Angels on booze, I ain’t sober.

My mind, heart, and chi have not been in accord since God knows when. Shit has clouded my once dilated awareness. Gradually, stress has killed the passion inside me without me knowing it. My concepts of truth acquired from more than two decades of existence have been keeping me alive, or have made me a dead man walking rather, and for the past two years I have only been that. A dead man walking.

Pink clouds are slowly turning to grey again. I have assaulted and killed negativity once in my life years ago, but having done so got me losing track of the progress that I should have been keeping eyes on. I have been taking my loved ones’ lives and mine for granted unconsciously. And fuck me for that. And fuck me for that. I have made myself believe that life was already happy and that I didn’t need nothing else. I’ve lost grip on my motivations.

Once in my life I drove my demons away, hated and healed my wounds, self-inflicted and not. I have kept them away for so long now that I have forgotten about them when I shouldn’t. I have been wrecklessly harvesting Yin and ignored the fact that I, or all of us, need Yang to keep life in balance. And fuck me for that.

Even Jesus had to go through extreme anger and sadness. That was when he shoved the shit off the asses of the fucked up motherfuckers doing shit outside the temple. That was when he poignantly prayed in the garden of olives. Though I haven’t been soft, I’ve been too nice. Coal, buried under hundreds of kilometers of dirt, rock and extreme pressure eventually turns into the most precious stone, the diamond. I forgot that I need to exert resistance and not just take in the beatings, I forgot that I need to surface and not just sit on my ass. And if there’s one faculty that I haven’t lost that is awareness. And it’s going to pull me out of the shithole I’m in.

In spite of strength we must see weakness, even our own. In search of beauty we must not hate the ugly. Though happiness is a lovely word we must value the low times and the lesson they’ve brought and will bring.

This is just a phase. Like the moon and the sun I will hide only to be seen again. Like night and day I end only to begin anew. Like the four seasons I pass away only to return.

Hard and soft. Hot and cold. High and low. Light and darkness. Deep and shallow. Love and hate. Yin and Yang. Life is beautiful when you have a little of everything.

I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul.

Today I say “fuck you life, and i love you.”

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31 comments on “Angels on booze, I ain’t sober.

  1. In spite of strength we must see weakness, even our own. In search of beauty we must not hate the ugly. Though happiness is a lovely word we must value the low times and the lesson they’ve brought and will bring.

    ….tama. tumapak. sapul. at tinamaan ako. aray ko

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  2. ang bubu ko talaga . haha yin yin kaka check ko lang ng telepono ko haha
    dami ka fans . d ko kayang mauna sa kanila πŸ™‚

    *hanggang dito ba naman pang huli parin ako sayo?* hahahahaha chos!

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  3. Life is beautiful when you have a little of everything – by Yin

    tol, mukhang nabubugnot ka lng kaya pati ung mind, heart & chi ay pinagiinitan / dinadamay mo sa tingin ko kailangan mo na tlga ng isang fucking YANG (sorry sa term pra kcng bgay don sa mga fuck s taas) para mabalance ang lahat. 😦

    P.S. kumikilos na si Noynoy para ayusin ang landas mo kaya wag kana magmoryot jan ok…:-)

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  4. Walang sense yun sinabi ko sa taas. Haahaha. Pasensya naman, walang sense. Parang utak ko ngayon.

    Basta i’ve always believed that Life has its way of balancing itself. Kaya yin.. sinu yang mo?

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  5. eto ang the best na paraan ng pagtanaw sa buhay.walang salitang pipiliin para manatiling sariwa ang lahat ng gunita sa isip.

    2 thumbs up sa makapag pabukas pananaw na akda.ganito rin ang nararamdaman ko minsan.hindi ko nga lang maisulat ng ganito kahusay.

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  6. hindi natin malalaman ung ano ang pakiramdam ng na masaya kung hindi tayo kailanman nakaramdam ng kalungkutan. nalalaman natin kung kailan tayo malakas dahil nakaranas tayong maging mahina. minsan hinuhusgahan natin ang isang bagay, tao, sitwasyon na pangit dahil naiiba siya. ang totoo niyan, nakikita lang ang kagandahan kapag may pagkakaiba-iba.. =)

    ewan ko kung may sense pinagsasabi ko pero.. kaya mo yan yiin! πŸ˜€

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  7. pretty much another case of SSDD, i’d say. keep breathing. only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.

    you write well in the foreign tongue, sir! i’m actually impressed.

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  8. Lahat naman tayo dumarating sa gantong point. Chillax it takes time to make things normal! Nice articel though. Full of feelings the angst is there!

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  9. uhhmmm…what can we do, whether we like it or not, it’s really inevitable that life would f*ck us. What’s important, however, is how we respond to it. I’d say we should face it and just tell it to bring it on…just like what you’re now doing.

    and as you’ve said, it’s just a phase. When life’s done everything it could to make things really bad, i believe there’s no other way but for things to pick up. so again, i say, bring it on! and yes, life is beautiful when you have a little of everything, even those that f*ck us up because they actually give life extra spice, right?

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  10. Nobody is happy all the time my friend Yin!

    Just enjoy life while it lasts.. πŸ˜€

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  11. we will understand Life more if we experience pains once in a while..
    i can love more because i hurt before..

    keep a lil pray’r in our heart.. GOD is always on our side.

    Like

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